The Lost Blog Post

Woah, so I just found this old post that I never finished from back when I was watching the first season of Lost. Total throwback post, which is pretty fitting seeing as how the last final episodes of the show really tried to tie everything back to the first season. Here are thoughts from the second half of season 1 of Lost...

More thoughts from Season 1:

• Okay, it's been like 6 episodes now and there's been no discussion about who the hell hit Sayid in the head and destroyed the transceiver way back when. I know there's tons of other stuff goin down, but I feel like figuring that out would be pretty important. Do they expect us just to assume it was that Ethan dude? I'm still convinced it was Locke.
  
• Hurley just started complaining about not getting enough protein in his diet, and Sun, the Korean wife, just planted a garden. It's like they're rubbin it in the guy's face. Come on now.
  
• Locke just knocked out asthmatic girls brother and tied him up. TOTALLY called it in my last post. If I'd been watching this with friends, I'd be jumping up and down and saying "I told you so!"
• Kate just found out that Sun can understand English when she smiled at some joke that Kate told. THAT's the oh snap I was waiting for. Ask and ye shall receive.
  
• Locke tells Sayid that he used to be a Weeblo. Reminded me of when I did cub scouts. I never made it to Weeblo, but Locke just said he "wasn't the most popular kid" and even he made Weeblo. All those knots and camping and pledges and nothing to show for it. Oh, wasted youth.
  
• NEW Favorite line of the season: Hurley to Jin the Korean guy - "You sure you don't speak English? Cuz there's a rumor that you do" Jin stares at him blankly. "Your wife's hot." Jin stares at him blankly.
  
• Also, now seems about the right time to mention that Jorge Garcia, the actor who plays Hurley, won not one but TWO ALMA awards for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama Television Series. Way to go HuGo! The ALMA awards, recognizing outstanding Latino actors who provide great macho comic relief for 15 years.
  
• Charlie just said, "If there's one person I'd put my absolute faith in to save us all, it'd be John Locke." I already put my theory out there earlier about, so I won't repeat it, but shouldn't SOMEBODY suspect Locke at this point? Are we supposed to believe that NO ONE on the island is familiar with dramatic irony? Honestly, did none of them get past high school English?
  
• Jack gives Kate some guava seeds for the garden, and I just noticed that he's got this nasally, nerdy voice. Sounding like Urkel definitely balances out the tattoos and makes him more believable as a spinal surgeon.
  
• OHHH SNAP! Boone (asthmatic girl's brother) and Shannon (asthmatic girl) just had a flashback that reveal this weird incestual Cruel Intentions thing they got going on. I TOTALLY should've called that.
• Turns out that Boone imagined an entire sequence where he cut himself loose from the bondage that Locke put him in, rescued Shannon who was bound to a tree about to get eaten by the monster, got chased by the monster, and then Shannon gets caught in some trap that ends up killing her. It was all because Locke put some crazy hallucinogenic drug on his head wound after he'd knocked him out. Talk about a bad trip. I bet that if Charlie knew about that stuff he never would've kicked his drug addiction.
• On that note, it seems like the running theme of the season so far is that Locke has some inner connection with the island since it healed his legs. He's helped Jack handle his father's death, Charlie kick his addiction, Boone get over his excessive protection of Shannon. By doing this he ends up gaining their trust because he ends up being some kind of Messiah sent by the island itself (with the exception of Jack). If he's trying to build alliances, which he definitely should, he's playing this game better than that naked guy from Survivor ever did.
  
• Alright, this episode is based on Michael. I'm gonna call it right now, it's gonna reveal that Walt's not really his son.
• In a flashback, Michael's crossing the street after getting off the phone with his baby's momma who's halfway across the world. Random car comes out of nowhere and smacks into him - I literally just yelled out at the screen. Damn that's some bad luck for Michael. It's interesting though how getting hit by a car can either be seriously dramatic or seriously funny moment depending on the circumstances. In Michael's case, it was traumatic, but maybe if he'd happened to land on his feet after the collision, it could've been hilarious.
• Charlie and Sawyer just exchanged blows. Charlie hit Sawyer in his tricep stab wound he got from Sayid, and Sawyer lays one on him in the face. Charlie takes it and goes "you hit like a ponce." I don't even know what a ponce is, but Charlie's officially a badass now.

• Okay, what kind of baby’s momma a) goes to see her baby’s daddy who’s b) in the hospital in a wheelchair because c) he got hit by a car right after d) he got off the phone with her when she told him that he couldn’t even talk to his son on the phone and e) was seeing another man who f) was the guy who hired her for the job across the world that caused her to move away with his son – AND DOESN’T BRING HIS SON TO THE HOSPITAL. That’s just messed up. And what’s her explanation for why she’s there? “I came to see you”?!!! Really. Youuuuuuuuu are cold.
• AND she’s paying all of his medical bills?! Without even ASKING him?! AND she’s getting married to the other guy?!? AND HE WANTS TO ADOPT HIS SON?!?! Seriously, I don’t know how it gets worse than that for a guy other than maybe the torture scene from Casino Royale.
  
• ...and yet, part of me can't help but think: more power to her. I feel like that's the definition of "gettin' it."
  
• Seriously, if I were Michael I’d be pulling either a Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber or a Rob in High Fidelity right now.
• Also, I should mention that I’m watching this on a plane right now. This is either really stupid or really badass.
• Walt ran off on his own into the woods. Guess what happened to him. Some CRAZY SHIT. Michael and Locke go chasing in search of him and find him getting attacked by a polar bear. If Michael hadn’t heard about the polar bears before, he definitely knows now.
• They rescue Walt from the polar bear and Walt’s apologizing to his Dad and he reassures him that it’s okay. Hell no it’s not okay! Dumb kid shouldn’t have run off. I don’t care if he’s got super powers there’s freakin polar bears on the island and every time someone runs off on their own crazy shit happens.
• OH SHIT CLAIRE JUST CAME BACK. Okay, so she’s probably gonna be all weird and strange like something out of a Stephen King novel. And she probably won’t remember anything.
• The recap of the next episode show’s Jack getting his ass kicked again by that Ethan dude. He really sucks at fighting. Really not doing the medical community proud at all. Making us all look like just a bunch of pansies.
  
  Just a Bunch of Pansies sound bite Madagascar sound bites

  
  
  
  
• Claire gets taken back to the camp and doesn’t remember any of the people. If they ended up doin something to her baby I hope she goes Kill Bill on the Others later on in the series.
• Okay there’s no way I believe that she doesn’t remember anything and her baby’s fine. She’s gotta be a spy for the Others. Which makes perfect sense. If there’s one thing I learned from scary movies, it’s that no one ever suspects the innocent-looking blonde girl, ESPECIALLY if she’s got an accent. (see: The Faculty here at 5:48).
• Okay okay okay okay okay okay, Charlie’s band is called “Driveshaft” and their number one single is “You All Everybody.” I’m officially disappointed in myself that I didn’t make fun of this earlier. As punishment, I’m not gonna give myself the satisfaction of making a joke about this now. Yall can just use your imaginations.
• Sayid, Locke and Jack are talking about the medical possibilities of how Claire got her amnesia. I KNOW there was a Gilligan’s island about this. All they should have to do is hit her on the head with a coconut.
• Speaking of which, how come there have been NO coconuts featured in this show yet? Are you gonna tell me the island doesn’t have coconuts? That should’ve been the first indicator that the island was unnatural.
• Ethan just came back and threatened Charlie that if he doesn’t bring Claire back to him, he’ll start killing off the rest of the survivors one by one. Five bucks says it’s either Scott or Steve. They’ve contributed nothing so far. No one would miss them I’m guessing.
• Aaaaaaaaaand guess who got killed.
• As they carry away the body that got killed by Ethan. Sawyer: “So Steve drew the short straw.” Hurley: “Dude that was Scott.” I would so gloat right now but that was just a depressing scene. I just feel bad. I wonder how’s Steve’s feeling though. Isn’t he going through some kind of trauma? From what I can tell, Scott was his best friend. How come he gets zero air-time? I’m gonna write a letter, I swear. This just isn’t right. Steve deserves a plot line dammit.
• In a flashback, Charlie takes a job selling printers to try and get an honest living, but he blows his first sale because the copier won’t work. Probably because of a PC Load Letter. My guess is he later exacts his revenge on the printer though.
  
• In another flashback, Charlie’s best friend finds him in bed and wakes him up. Charlie’s completely dazed and has no idea what’s going on. Charlie’s friend tries to get him to wake up and get ready for his band’s show. At this point, Charlie gets extremely confused and frustrated, and starts reaching for his drugs. His best friend notices, “What is that?! You mean you really are taking drugs?!” “I need them!” Charlie replies. They get into a struggle for the drugs. At which point Charlie starts freakin out and frantically starts singing the chorus to his band’s number one hit song before bursting into tears.
• Oh wait, that last flashback wasn’t from Lost. It was Jesse Spano from Saved by the Bell. Honest mistake.
• Some boar just tore up Sawyer's tent in the middle of the night and then ran him over in the jungle when he tried to get it back. I'm gonna guess that Lock has the ability to morph into a boar and he's behind it all. And the weird thing is, that's not even an odd suggestion. That could actually make sense. This is how messed up this whole show is. I kinda love it.
  
• Kate and Sawyer just played a game of "Never Have I Ever" that made every single time I played it look like nothing. "Never have I ever kissed on a first date hahaha, okay Sawyer, you're next," "Never have I ever killed a man" Yup, I think that pretty much trumps everything.
• In a Jin flashback, it showed Hurley on the TV in some sort of car commercial or something. I can't wait til I get his story. Is he an actor or something? The lead singer of a prog rock/emo band? I'm sorry but at this point I could care less about Jin now.
  
• Sawyer's character makes the first official reference to Lord of the Flies. Wow. It's ALWAYS the last person you'd suspect.
  
• Alright, I'm pissed. Walt just burned down his dad's raft. He watched as his dad almost killed Jin. He causes all these problems. And when Locke calls him out on why he did it, the only reason he offers is that he "doesn't wanna move any more" and the he "likes it here"?!?! Kid almost got mauled by a flippin' polar bear two episodes ago! Do the writers expect me to buy this garbage?!
• Looks like every one's coupling up on the island, and of course, Hurley's left alone with nothing but his CD player, and even that dies on him. Doesn't get more emo than that. My Coheed and Cambria theory is looking more and more probable.
• Hurley is THE BEST! Not only is his story the best, but he also has this Taster’s Choice moment with the crazy French chick Rousseau. And then, when he meets back up with the rest of the group and they’re all surprised that he made it back from his interaction with her alive, he just turns to Sayid and says, “She says ‘hey’”. Oh man, it doesn’t get any better than that.
  
  • Okay, remember when I suggested that Locke had the power to morph into a boar. Well, it turns out that was nothing. They just revealed that he’s supposed to be some sort of an immaculate conception. That’s right - Jesus, Anakin Skywalker, and John Locke.
  • In a flash back we find out that Locke used to drive a red Volkswagon Beetle. I totally would’ve slug bugged someone right now.
  • Sawyer’s been having headaches so Kate forces him to go to Jack to find out what’s wrong. Jack examines him with Kate nearby in the cave and asks him all this stuff like if he’d ever got an STD. All I can think about is all the HIPAA violations…
  • In a flashback Locke’s dad takes him dove hunting and he’s wearing a beret. Reminds me how I sometimes think about starting to wear a beret.
  • Okay, I’m calling it right now. The person that Jack’s dad died was somehow related to someone on the island.
  • Sayid takes Shannon on some romantic beach date. Guy’s got skills. But while they’re out there, she tells him about how she and Boone have some weird “A Very Brady Movie” thing going on like between Marsha and that curly-haired guy.
  • Best Nonverbal cue of the season goes to….Jin! – Claire’s going into labor and starts to push, Charlie starts to go to help her but Jin catches his arm, and just gives him a look that just screams “don’t go out there buddy, not now.” Which is both awesome and kind of a shame because we could’ve had a Knocked Up moment right there.
  • Finally got to the season finale - and in this episode, some random high school science teacher goes with a group to find the black rock to find dynamite to help blow open the hatch. He goes off on this rant to Hurley about all the other people on the island and how they're important too, which is EXACTLY what I wanted to hear. Only the dude's mad annoying and all I can think about is how I hope he gets blown up by the dynamite.
  • YES!!!!! TOTALLY EXPLODED LIKE I SAID HE WOULD! THAT WAS AWESOME. Seriously, I'm like Sean William Scott in "Old School" when Will Ferrel shoots himself in the neck with a rhino tranquilizer dart.